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Americans Shift Focus from Illegal Immigrants to Cell Phones

In by Chris on November 29, 2010 at 2:26 pm

PHOENIX – Late Thursday, Americans here emphatically demonstrated their newfound fear of cell phones by rioting, tearing iPhones and Blackberries out of mobile phone stores and their own pockets.

“It’s so scary,” said Jeannie Liplicker. “I always thought my phone was so innocent.” She then snatched a Samsung from a passerby and curb-stomped it.

In the latest wave of paranoia to sweep the area, the rioters cited wiretapping snitchers, brain-radiation cancer, catchy jingles, and corporations trying to screw them as threats to their American way of life.

“They’re like Commies or wetbacks sitting right next to our balls,” said Josephat Carlson.

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  1. ahahahahaha this made me laugh so hard.

    okay, back to dead week.

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